Growing pains
Upper limits and receiving more
Hi, I’m Leigh. I’m a stylist and my interest and passion for styling is focused on how we feel in what we wear. Dressing is a form of self expression and I work to empower people to align their sense of self with their style and gain autonomy to dress with ease, clarity and confidence.
I’ve been thinking a lot about growth lately - wanting it and resisting it too.
I’ve been actively trying to diversify and bring autonomy to my life and career in the past couple of years. I can feel the landscape of the work I do changing, and I’m trying to change with it. To evolve into the next version of what my life will be.
Inevitably, I’m facing ceilings I’ve never faced before, yet alone tried to push past.
(I speak to this more on Tish Dignam’s wonderful Substack here, should you want to read more.)
Career and money are two areas of my life that are currently good, but not great. It feels like I’m bumping up against a ceiling that I haven’t yet been able to breech, even though I really want to.
Why is that?
Last year or maybe the year before, I read Gay Hendricks’ The Big Leap which is about this concept of upper limits and how our nervous system can only handle what feels safe or known - that when we reach the capacity of what we can hold, aka our upper limit, our body shuts out anything more. Even the good stuff we want.
I think this is so true, and yet not something most of us are aware of.
In some areas of my life, the sky is the limit so to say - aka no such ceiling in sight.
Take travel for instance. I don’t think twice about boarding a plane alone to a foreign land, it doesn’t scare me at all. I would happily board a space ship for a spin around the earth tomorrow. Zero resistance.
Yet when it comes to finances and career there seems to be a max of what I feel safe receiving. I want to grow and evolve, to achieve and receive and give more - but it’s like I’m standing in my own way.
That’s not to say I’ve never had career or financial success - I absolutely have and do - but I currently feel like I’m hovering on a ceiling that I know I can exceed.
My/our nervous system is primed to look out for risks and keep me/us small to avoid them. So when an opportunity or situation or event occurs that is bigger than what we’ve experienced before, the growing pains kick in - the upper limit is met and the walls come up.
The answer, so I’ve read, is to learn how to feel safe and comfortablein order to receive the new/bigger/different and hold it.
As is the wonder of the world, I was thinking a lot about this when I stumbled upon a workshop one of my favourite yoga teacher’s held in NY.
I love Ally Bogard and have been practicing with her (from afar online) for a while. The Contemplative and Somatic workshop was held at Sky Ting, which they shared on their on demand TV.
The workshop was fantastic. Ally spoke to the ways we can use attention, meditation and movement to move past a limiting story or belief. (I won’t be able to explain her work even a fraction as well, so I highly recommend you read all about it here. )
Ally asked the workshop attendees to think of what an audience watching a film of our lives would be screaming at the TV for us (the heroine of our lives/the film) to know, see or understand.
An answer that came to me for me was to trust myself. Even in the areas it doesn’t come as easy. To trust that I can handle the bigger thing, trust that I can handle more money and career success.
So, armed with Ally’s teachings - that is my practice.
To trust that growing is possible, and not only that - it’s safe.
Trust that I can receive and achieve past what I have before, using the tools Ally shared.
When I reach this upper limit in future and my body / mind resists or reacts (by shutting down, pushing it away, rationalising why it isn’t safe etc) I will resource and regulate into a state of safety and know that I do trust myself and that I trust that I can handle whatever is in front of me - the hard, the great and the growth.
My friend Alexandra Grima shared the below with me by Sophie which I thought spoke to this beautifully.
We’ve gotten this far, so there’s no reason to think we can’t go further.
Here are some practical things I do when I reach my upper limit:
Swim in the ocean / cold shower.
Read in bed. (There’s something about the cocoon of bed thats so nurturing.)
Walking outside, noticing what is physically present.
X3 proper meals per day, the smallest in the evening.
Sleeping well.
Talking to friends + family.
Reading a novel. (Not a self-help book - too stimulating.)
Laying on the bed listening to a podcast. Not multi-tasking - just laying and listening. And not a ‘optimising’ podcast - you know the ones. Again, this is too stimulating for me and holds pressure to be optimising at all times. I recommend Desert Island discs and Talk Easy for listening just for the joy of hearing.
Drink tea.
Watch TV that I’ve seen 1000474737383 times. (Friends / Gilmore Girls / SATC are my regular rotation.)
Rest.
And write on Substack! Thank you for being here. <3
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